I have never met any of my gurus. That is because they died long before I was born.
The guru is an important figure in the philosophical tradition that I am immersing myself in at the moment, the tradition of Kashmir Shaivism. They played a crucial role for each of their students, customising the journey to enlightenment for each of them.
Over the course of my life and spiritual development, I have never had the luxury of a guru like this, someone able to tailor teachings to my interests and needs. In fact, the spiritual influencers in my life all turned out to be disastrous in some way or another.
Failures
This is what happened during my early years. First, there was the inspirational youth leader who turned out to have been having an inappropriate relationship with my teenage sweetheart. Then, the mystical young adult leader, deep, mysterious and powerful, who ended up joining a cult. And then the church pastor who took me under his wing only to take his own life because of allegations of sexual abuse.
In my late twenties and early thirties I was training at theological college. I was on my way to being an ordained minister in the Anglican Church. This could have been the perfect place for someone like me to find a spiritual guide. But I simply did not fit in. I was repeatedly dismissed by my teachers for having outlandish ideas. I was mockingly awarded a prize by my peers: “The Jürgen Moltmann award for the person most likely to become a liberal theologian.” A truly backhanded compliment from Christian conservatives.
Ultimately, my development took place despite these people and situations, not because of them. The way that I really grew and developed was this: I studied ancient texts, teaching myself ancient languages, and reading broadly to understand the historical and cultural contexts for those writings.
In other words, I found my gurus in other places, other times, other languages, other cultures.
Successes
I have had four gurus, I think. Here they are in the order in which they appeared in my life.
First up, Saint Paul. As a young man I was obsessed with his ideas. I read his letters intensively. I translated them from Greek to English. I examined copying errors from one ancient manuscript to another, striving to find what he actually said, and what it actually meant. While I think his theology is more damaging than helpful, he taught me a great many things about theological structures and spiritual discipline.
Next up, and most contemporary, was T.F. Torrance. An academic from Edinburgh University, this is a man who brought Classical Christianity back from the dead. The core doctrines of the Trinity and the Incarnation had been dismissed for hundreds of years as ‘mysteries.’ He taught me that these ‘mysteries’ were solved over a thousand years ago with a sophisticated philosophical apparatus. He started my study of ontology, the mind-bending examination of existence itself.
And then came Friedrich Nietzsche. The man who turned my life upside down, every page of (almost) every book dripping with impact. World-shattering, universe-rending, discombobulating and disorienting. I think I was born again through his beautiful, excoriating mind.
And finally, most recently, Abhinavagupta. A truly remarkable man from 11th century Kashmir, who pulled together thousands of years of competing and disparate esoteric spiritualities, the various Tantrisms of India. The result is a beautiful, comprehensive and fulfilling philosophical theology. A man who anticipated, in a deeply encoded and obscure way, developments in cognitive science and quantum physics a thousand years ahead of time. And built them into a relentlessly positive appreciation for what it means to be a human being.
Choices
Why am I telling you this?
I think each of us has an important decision to make, and most of us don’t realise it.
You get to decide who your gurus are. You get to choose who you let in to influence you, to shape you, to create you.
Be discerning.
In the world of social media influencers the term “guru” has become almost meaningless. You can find a “guru” for almost anything. Some of these are shallow at best, harmful at worst.
Don’t take this decision lightly and don’t take the easy road. Be deliberate. Search high and low. Be ruthless.
Find teachers that work for you, personally and individually. In the end it doesn’t matter if they’re alive or dead, on TikTok or in an ancient text. Just make sure they’re right for you, and don’t be afraid to move on when you’re done.
Neil
I am impressed with your dedication to understanding, learning old languages, etc. Nothing, if not thorough!